The Intimacy Deception, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries tremendous significance and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be great also).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the opportunity to make love with somebody we are attracted to extremely difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to effective sensations of destination, enjoyment, love, well-being, and nearness .
When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, about his "Well, we've got this post problems, however the sex is excellent!" They probably would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that a number of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in metropolitan areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
However, North adds, "I believe this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we This Site cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, values, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!