The Intimacy Lure, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret excellent sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, making love brings tremendous significance and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are brought in to incredibly difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective sensations of attraction, excitement, closeness, well-being, and love .
When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They probably wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that a lot of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in urbane locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
North adds, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow with time.
Singles who pursue a learn the facts here now relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!