The Intimacy Lure, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, making love carries tremendous meaning and effects.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine from this source (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to exceptionally hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and involuntary , causing effective feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, wellness, nearness, and love .
However when issues emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They probably wouldn't confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that numerous of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in city areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
North adds, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with common sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!