The Intimacy Pitfall, Balancing Hormones and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex carries tremendous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent too).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are drawn in to exceptionally hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, love, wellness, and nearness .
However when issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They probably would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that a lot of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in city areas, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. click this link "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sex. If a potential partner is going to be sexually see this website suitable, numerous gay men desire to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
However, North adds, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If dig this not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, goals, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!