The Intimacy Pitfall, Balancing Hormones and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, having sex brings tremendous significance and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good as well).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are drawn in to extremely difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in effective feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, closeness, and well-being .
However when problems occur, those who fall under the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They more than likely wouldn't admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that much of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in metropolitan This Site locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," right here North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
Nevertheless, North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is important. Chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to additional info work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, worths, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!