The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex carries tremendous significance and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good as well).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , leading to effective feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, wellness, and closeness .
But when problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They probably wouldn't confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that many of his visit this site clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in cosmopolitan areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, many gay guys desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
Nonetheless, North includes, "I think this is a his explanation 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be have a peek here there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, values, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!