The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, making love brings enormous significance and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready also).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to incredibly difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , leading to powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, nearness, love, and well-being .
But when problems occur, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is great!" They probably would not admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical see here now compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that much of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in city areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sex. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay men desire to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
However, North includes, "I you could try this out believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with common sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, values, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!