The Intimacy Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, making love brings enormous significance and effects.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be great also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to incredibly difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful feelings of attraction, enjoyment, love, wellness, and closeness .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They more than likely would not admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that a lot of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in urban locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is important link a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
North includes, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is crucial. Chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your navigate here heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, objectives, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!