The Intimacy Trap, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, making love brings tremendous meaning and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other individual may be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to incredibly hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, wellness, closeness, and love .
When issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They more than likely would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, says that numerous of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in cities, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay males desire to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't check my reference really going to ready?".
North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with common sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, worths, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!