The Sensuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex brings enormous significance and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready also).
B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are drawn in to very hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on this page the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective feelings of attraction, excitement, love, well-being, and closeness .
But when issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, says that many of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in cities, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, his response motivates sexual activity. Numerous gay males want to learn from the starting if a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
North includes, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a find more relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!