The Sensuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex carries enormous meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be good also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to very difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of destination, excitement, love, wellness, and nearness .
When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely would not confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, states that a lot of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in urban areas, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sex. Numerous gay males want to learn from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
North includes, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, link we can't "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow in time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, objectives, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!