The Sensuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex carries tremendous meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be great too).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, Learn More we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, closeness, wellness, and love .
But when problems develop, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They probably wouldn't confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that many of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in cosmopolitan areas, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sex. Many gay guys wish to discover from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!