The Sensuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex brings enormous meaning and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the opportunity to make love with someone we are brought in to very tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to powerful sensations of attraction, excitement, closeness, love, and wellness .
When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is great!" They probably would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that numerous of his her explanation customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in metropolitan locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
North includes, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with common sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!