The Sensuality Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries enormous meaning and effects.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to have sex with someone we are drawn in to extremely hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , leading to powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, wellness, love, and closeness .
But when issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy check these guys out and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, check these guys out an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that numerous of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in city areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sex. If a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible, many gay men desire to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
However, North includes, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon web link sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, goals, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!