The Sensuality Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the MindAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries immense significance and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other person may be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to incredibly difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, love, nearness, and wellness .
But when problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They more than likely would not admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that a number of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in urbane locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sex. Many gay guys desire to discover from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
North includes, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish Recommended Reading to explain that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with common sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, worths, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!