The Sex Catch, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex brings immense meaning and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to very tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , leading to effective sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, wellness, closeness, and love .
But when issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They most likely wouldn't confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that many of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in city locations, sex try this is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, objectives, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!