The Sex Deception, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex carries immense meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be excellent also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels aside from physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are brought in to incredibly tough to resist. visit this web-site Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to effective sensations of destination, enjoyment, well-being, love, and nearness .
When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They more than likely would not admit it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that a lot of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in cosmopolitan locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
Nonetheless, North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow gradually.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.
To their website avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!