The Sex Lure, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent also).
B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels aside from physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to incredibly hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded more information with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , causing effective sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, wellness, love, and nearness .
When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, says that many of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in cities, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sex. Lots of gay guys wish to learn from the starting if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with common sense. While good sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have read the full info here to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, values, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!