The Sex Lure, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles analyze excellent sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex brings tremendous significance and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to incredibly tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing effective sensations of destination, excitement, wellness, love, and nearness .
But when problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They probably wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that a lot of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in cosmopolitan locations, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay males desire to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
However, North adds, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a given that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow with time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal Learn More Here agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is necessary visit site for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!