The Sex Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries tremendous meaning and repercussions.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be good also).

B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to very hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, love, well-being, and closeness .

Related Site But when issues arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They more than likely would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that numerous of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys specifically in cities, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. Many gay guys wish to discover from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be next good?".

North includes, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow gradually.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, objectives, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

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