The Sex Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles interpret excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex brings tremendous meaning and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent too).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to make love important link with somebody we are brought in to very difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to powerful sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, closeness, love, and well-being .
However when problems arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They probably would not confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, states that a lot of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in metropolitan areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, goals, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!