The Sex Snare, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze great sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, making love brings enormous significance and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be good also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to incredibly hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , causing effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, love, well-being, and nearness .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They most likely would not confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that much of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in cities, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sex. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay men desire to discover out Look At This from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to directory be great?".
However, North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is crucial. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, values, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!