The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex carries enormous significance and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready too).
B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to very hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective feelings of attraction, excitement, nearness, well-being, and love .
When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that a lot of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in city locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex pop over here isn't really going to be good?".
look at this web-site North includes, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, goals, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!