The Sex Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men use love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, making love brings tremendous significance and effects.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be good too).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the chance to have sex with someone we are brought in to exceptionally tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective feelings of destination, excitement, love, closeness, and wellness .
When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They most likely wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that a number of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in metropolitan areas, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sex. Numerous gay men wish to discover from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
North adds, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we important source can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, goals, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!