The Sex Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex brings enormous significance and effects.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the helpful resources opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to extremely hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in effective sensations of destination, excitement, wellness, nearness, and love .
But when issues occur, those who fall into visit here the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They probably wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that much of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in cosmopolitan locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
North adds, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, values, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!