The Sexuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex carries enormous significance and effects.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready also).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are brought in to exceptionally tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel extremely near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, nearness, wellness, and love .
But when problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is fantastic!" They probably wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, says that a lot of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in metropolitan areas, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sex. Lots of gay guys desire to discover from the starting dig this if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
North adds, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not you can look here there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow in time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with common sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!