The Sexuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries tremendous significance and effects.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good too).
B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the chance to make love with someone we are brought in to extremely difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to effective feelings of destination, enjoyment, well-being, love, and closeness .
When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual destination Bonuses and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, says that a lot of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in cosmopolitan areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, many gay males want to find out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
North adds, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles my blog who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, worths, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!