The Sexuality Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex brings immense significance and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be great also).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are attracted to extremely difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing effective feelings of attraction, excitement, wellness, love, and closeness .
But when issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They most likely would not confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, states that much of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in urban locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
Nonetheless, North includes, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with typical sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you can look here you require to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!