The Sexuality Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex brings enormous meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are attracted to incredibly tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, love, wellness, and nearness .
However when problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They probably wouldn't confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach More about the author who works mainly with gay males, states that a number of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in cosmopolitan locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sexual activity. Numerous gay males want to discover out from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
North adds, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases next page it can grow gradually.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with common sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!